Love fades
by lemonaholic
Summary: i was bored maybe continued.*spoilers sb* rose is killing herself over dimitri and lissa is trying her best to persuade him. un-betaed so sorry for misstakes and i hope you like it


Disclaimer: I do not own vampire academy, the very talented richelle mead does.

A/N: Just so you know this might not be continued. I wrote a while ago and just thought I would c if any1 likes it. It may b continued if it gets enough interest, cos im not gonna write if no1 is interested.

_Love Fades. Mine has._

I shoved through the heavy chapel doors with all my strength and began to run. It had been Dimitri's first lesson - when overwhelmed - run. I couldn't think of anything more overwhelming then Dimitri denying me. Twenty Strigoi closing in would have been easier to deal with.

Why was this happening?

My thighs were screaming once I made it to my destination - thirty feet away from the beautiful chapel - without much thought my fists found the rough brick texture of the Court gates and I began to pound them against it. I didn't want out necessary - just letting out some frustration. It was worse than the time Lissa's darkness had enveloped me at the cabin - sending me into a rage that I had never experienced before. Revenge and blood lust had soaked into my very being and it had been Dimitri that saved me.

I didn't think that was going to happen this time.

The pain inside my chest was something much, much different then what I had experienced in the cabin that day. This had nothing to do with Spirit.

It seemed like no one was going to run after me this time. I was the last thing on anyone's mind - especially Dimitri. Or Lissa. Or Adrian. I could hear someone screaming - blood curling, mindless screaming at the top of their lungs and it took several minutes to realize that it was me - and my attack on the Court walls was doing me no good.

I slid down onto the damp grass and curled my legs to my chest - almost mimicking the way Dimitri had looked when I saw him in the jail cell. My throat was burning from all the screaming I had apparently done in the last few minutes and I couldn't hold back the emotional pain any longer. A sob escaped me - a loud, unnatural sound that shook my entire body and forced my eyes closed. I must look like a crazy person - spirit finally getting to me like it had Ms. Karp and Anna. Again, this had nothing to do with Spirit.

~

I'm not sure how long I had been sitting in the grass - sobbing my heart out to no one, because no one ever came. Surely Lissa had to know there was something wrong through the bond? It didn't matter. More than likely she was with Dimitri - protecting him, being his Goddess now. All the hurt and sorrow inside me shifted just enough to allow jealously. Even if it wasn't a romantic relationship, yet, I think that hurt most of all - the way that Dimitri looked at her as if she were his savior.

Another sob shook through me. I had gone to Russia - I had tracked and hunted him to help him - to kill him if that meant saving his soul. When I found out how to restore his soul and keep him alive I had done everything in my power to make that happen. How could he just throw me to the side as if I was nothing to him now? How could this of happened.

~

"Do you think it was a mistake?"

I blinked through my distorted vision - wiping at the tears enough to see who my company finally was. Lissa. Of course. With all these emotions running through me I must have shut off the bond completely. She looked as beautiful as ever - even through my limited vision and I couldn't answer her. I knew what she meant as soon as the words left her lips.

Do you think bringing Dimitri back was a mistake? No. Having him in the world - alive and dhampir was worth anything. Even if it meant we'd never be together. At least he was saved. Time would eventually heal what Lissa couldn't. I hoped for Dimitri's sake at least. Another, quieter sob.

All I could do was shake my head no and she knew - she knew that given the information before hand, that brining back Strigoi would leave the person a broken shell, incapable of love - I still would have saved Dimitri.

"I wish.. he didn't hate me.."

My voice was like a stranger in my head - I had never sounded weaker in my life and this caused Lissa to kneel beside me in the grass and take my bloody and bruised hands in hers. For a moment I felt warm all over and the stinging in my hands was gone. She had healed me. I was going to be crazy for real at this rate. Using Spirit was just as natural as breathing to her now – a blessing and a curse all in one.

"I'm sorry." Was all she offered - and that just fueled my anger and sorrow that much more. No comforting words for me. Instead of blowing up I just sighed, holding it back. It was obvious through the bond that Lissa didn't know if Dimitri hated me or not. She didn't know why he would - I had saved him just as much as she had. It was something that couldn't have happened without the both of us. "Let's get you out of here Rose.." she finally continued, helping me to my feet. My clothes were stained with dirt and grass but I didn't care. The emotions running through me were slowly fading - just like love apparently did - and I was becoming numb.

I let Lissa guide me back to my room without another word. I had nothing to say - not to her, Dimitri or anyone. I felt like a hollow shell and wondered if that would ever pass? The only thing I had ever wanted was for Dimitri to be with me and that didn't seem to be happening now. "Do you need something?" Lissa asked quietly as she watched me fall to my bed in my dirty clothes. "Alone.." I croaked. "I just want to be alone.."

With that said she gave a slight nod and left the room - closing the door behind her. I laid in complete silence for what seemed like days - barely breathing as I stared out into the nothingness around me. It was all a little mellow dramatic but it was all I could manage until... until I began to scream again.

**...**

"She hasn't eaten in days."

Lissa looked up from her hands slowly, meeting Dimitri's dark brown eyes. She wasn't sure how many exact days it had been since she'd seen Rose - who continued to stay locked in her bedroom, who refused to eat when Lissa or her guards brought trays of her favorite foods to her bedroom door.

It had reminded Rose to much of her time in Dimitri's captivity and Lissa had cringed when she heard the sobs come from the other side of the door. She had no idea how to help her friend. Although he had good enough reason for it - Dimitri was being very stubborn.

"She's managed to block me out completely. It's like hitting a wall when I try to talk to her through the bond... and I don't think she's been checking on me, either. I haven't felt anything from her."

Dimitri let his eyes fall. Rose was strong. The strongest person he had ever known. Surely she would get through this? He was only trying to protect her from himself - from the dark thoughts that still plagued his mind whenever she was around. He had spent his entire Strigoi un-life plotting on ways to kill her and not just her but her beautiful, strong soul. He wanted her to be Strigoi like him - to take away her light. It was a fate worse than death.

"She thinks you hate her."

Lissa forced herself to look at Dimitri - scared that his eyes would give truth away and she would see hate in those dark hues. Who could hate Rose? She was a warrior of the people - she had risked her life for the both of them - for the entire Vampire Academy, countless times. Dimitri's silence wasn't helping. "You shouldn't hate her. She loves you - more than anything I've ever seen before... she would do anything for you... anything to help you..."

"I don't..." His voice was thick with emotion and out of respect and embarrassment Lissa turned before she saw the tears begin to fall. "I don't hate her, Vasilisa." It was all he could offer. Torn didn't begin to describe Dimitri's state of mind. Especially when it came to Rose. He had loved her - with every ounce of his being - before he was turned. After having all those vile feelings of killing her - taking away her soul, he couldn't bring himself to find the love he had once felt. It was buried to deep within the heartache of wanting Rose dead. He didn't know if anyone would ever understand.

"Maybe you should tell her..." Lissa's voice was soft and she didn't dare look at him as she spoke. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Talk to Rose. He couldn't find words when it came to Rose. "Just tell her that you don't hate her..." She continued, quietly.

"That won't help. It will only make things worse..." He was talking mostly to himself now - lost in the pain that was haunting him inside. "I couldn't..." His voice broke with emotion again - which cause Lissa to take action. She didn't want to be angry with Dimitri - she knew how fragile he was - but Rose was hurting too and she felt like she was abandoning her best friend.

"This is killing her, Dimitri." Lissa assured flatly. It was a statement full of truth. "I can feel her slipping into the darkness that surrounds her and it has nothing to do with my spirit."

"I can't be with her. Not now. Not after..."

Dimitri's eyes went wide as Lissa turned to face him - grabbing him as roughly as she could by the shoulders so he was forced to look at her too. "I understand, Dimitri. I really do... I felt it... everything... when I restored your soul... and I know as well as you that it's going to take time but Rose isn't like us - she takes action, she needs you to be strong for her..."

"You saved me... I owe you everything..."

Lissa gave him a good shake. "That is a very hurtful thing for you to say, Dimitri. I had to stake you... only a spirit user could be the one to use the stake but Rose is the only reason I did it - she went to Russia to set you free and when she found a way to restore you she did everything she could to bring you back.. You owe her everything..."

All Dimitri could do was shake his head no - refusing to see Rose. It was too hard to see her. "This is killing her, Dimitri. I can feel it through the bond - and our bond is one sided so you know it has to be real. She saved you. I was just the muscle..."

That caused a small smile to form on his lips. Lissa was a lot of things – beautiful, smart, and polite but using her name and muscle in the same sentence was humorous, even to a dhamphir who had just been restored from Strigoi.

Lissa, however, didn't think it was funny. However pathetic it was – she had managed to stake a Strigoi – not to mention bring him back to life.

"Besides, Rose might feel like she's dying of a broken heart but if she starves to death she will die and I don't know what that will mean for me... we need each other..."

With that said Lissa stood to take her leave. She didn't have to say anything for Dimitri to know that she wouldn't come back to be with him. Rose had made a choice to protect Lissa over anything - even if it meant killing Dimitri - and if it hadn't been for Christian then she would have succeeded in that. Dimitri knew the only way to repay his debt to Lissa was to talk to Rose. He turned his back to her as she left the room.

It was the one thing he couldn't do.  
**...**

Spaghetti, thick – meaty spaghetti was filling my very soul. It was surrounding me. My eyes opened slowly to take in the surroundings and to my surprise I was laying in a luxurious four post bed with clean clothes and that delicious smell enveloping me. Surely this was a dream and I silently hoped Adrian wasn't going to show face anytime soon. I still didn't want to see anyone – him included.

Unfortunately my stomach wasn't as stubborn as I was and it caused my legs to move to the side and being the short journey to that wonderful smell. Dhamphirs were strong – sure we had to eat just like a normal human would but we had a slightly better resistance to being deprived food. My time was apparently up – the deep groan in the pit of my belly had confirmed.

As I rounded a corner I stopped dead in my tracks – surprised to see Dimitri standing over the stove, wooden spoon in hand as he worked his magic with the spaghetti. Deep in the back of my mind I knew this was wrong – the red fitting shirt he wore and blue jeans almost gave the dream away – but after all the grief I had put myself through the past few days I couldn't bring myself to remember one of my previous fantasy's.

"Dimitri?"

The stranger's voice was back, weak and small – barely audible but it didn't seem to matter. He had looked up long before I'd spoke, a warm – genuine smile spreading across his face. One of his rare smiles I hadn't seen since our time at the cabin.

"Roza. I know you have to be starved. Have a seat?"

I looked to my left – a quaint little table made up with plates and warm garlic bread awaited us. My mouth was watering by now. I gave him a small nod and took a seat – watching as he brought the steaming pot towards me and filled my plate.

"Thanks." It was all I could seem to offer today – one word sentences. Definitely not a Rose conversation. "You're welcome, Roza. You have to eat something... you're going to starve..." I nodded again – completely agreeing with him. I hadn't eaten much in the past several days – but I hadn't gone completely without food. Long into the midnight hours I had snuck a few slices of gourmet pizza into my room. I loved food. I don't think starving was ever an option for me. "Thank you."

Dimitri smiled again, reaching over to take my hand in his. "You're welcome, Roza. I will always take care of you." He assured quietly. "No matter what, I promise."

This was very surreal to me. How could Dimitri go from telling me that the love he might have once felt for me had faded into nothing and would never return to promising me that he would always take care of me? Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach and pushed the plate of food away. "This isn't real." I was surprised it had taken me this long to figure out I was dreaming – there wasn't even a kitchen in my room at Court and Dimitri had never showed any top chef qualities.

"Roza. I'm sorry... for everything... I love..."

I forced my eyes closed tightly – blocking out anything else he might say to me. Dream Dimitri telling me he loved me would surely break my heart and lucky for me I had become quite the expert in blocking out painful situations as of late. "Roza..." That was the last I heard when my eyes opened in the real world and I was still laying in my bedroom at Court – in my grass stained clothes and matted hair.

A sigh escaped me as I moved towards the small wash room and considered a shower and possibly new clothes. My stomach was growling at the thought of food but that could wait. My keen dhampir senses registered someone was standing outside the door. Possibly Lissa or one of her guardians. It didn't matter. I wasn't going to talk to anyone – maybe never again. Two could play keep away – if that's what he really wanted. Just then someone tapped on the bedroom door– causing my head to snap to the side and consider my options.

"Roza..."

Maybe I was wrong.  
**… **

"Go away."

I had thought my grief for Dimitri had faded, at least long enough to get a shower and brush my hair. A part of me knew that I would never get over Dimitri - I was cursed to always love someone who didn't feel the same.

"Rose. You have to eat." His voice was thick with emotion - painfully obvious that someone had sent him here. Someone had demanded that he come and force me to eat something. There was only one person in the world that Dimitri felt that obligated to.

Vasilisa Dragomir.

"Leave me alone..." I clutched my hand to my heart, trying to make it back to the bed before I hit the floor. Silent tears began to fall down my cheeks and I gasped in a breath, pleading that my sobs wouldn't betray me. I didn't quite make it to the bed, sliding down into the floor just beside it with my knees held tight to my chest. It felt like my insides were going to burst through if I didn't wrap my arms around myself. "Please..."

I buried my head into my knees - allowing my hair to fall down into my face so my hearing wasn't the best but it seemed like my company had given up - rather quickly. Dimitri was probably half way back to Lissa by now - assuring her that he had done everything he could.

I was thankful for the silence my body had allowed while Dimitri had been outside my room but it was becoming too much to keep inside now and the sobs finally began - causing my body to shake as I cried into my knees. The grief had taken me over once again so I didn't realize that the door knob had twisted violently and splintered the wood until someone was inside the room - warm hands jerking me to my feet by my wrists. I refused to look at him - keeping my eyes closed and my face towards the ground.

"Roza."

There was something almost dangerous in Dimitri's voice - maybe he was trying to scare me, to assure me that I was terrified of him because of the things he had done to me while I was his captive. Unfortunately for him, I wasn't. He wasn't the same as when we were in Russia. Unfortunately for me, he didn't seem to realize that. I could feel his sweet, warm breath on my face as he spoke - he was standing close, his voice low and demanding.

"You have to eat. This is childlike behavior - you're acting like a careless teenager." My eyes opened slowly - blurry with tears. I wanted to tell him that I was a carless teenager but luckily at the last minute I realized that probably wouldn't make our situation better. Our eyes finally met and that caused him to back off to put some space between us. "Well you're acting like, like a complete asshole!" My choice of comebacks had startled him enough to allow me some leverage and I shoved him backwards.

"What are you doing, Dimitri? You tell me to stay away from you and then you come to harass me? I know your only here because Lissa told you to come. This is worse than any torture you could have caused me in Russia. I would rather you tie me up and set me on fire then do this to me!"

I was changing my middle name to mellow-dramatic. Hello, I'm Rosemarie Mellow-Dramatic Hathaway. Nice to meet you.

Dimitri's guard was down - apparently he had thought of tying me up and burning me alive once upon a time. It didn't matter. Not to me at least. "I don't want to hurt you, Roza..." His voice was quiet now, barely reaching me from the space I had put between us. "I don't know if I can't, not, hurt you." Double negatives were a wonderful thing. "Dimitri..."

I tried to move towards him but he backed away just as quickly. "I did everything I could to bring you back to me." I whispered softly, never letting our eyes fall from one another.

"The only thing I have ever wanted is you. What am I supposed to do now?"

He finally looked away, not sure how to answer - not sure if he could live without me either. When his dark eyes found my own he could only stare - there were no words of comfort to offer me. "If you don't love me anymore I can deal with that but please..." My words were breaking with emotion. "...please don't shut me out of your life? I've waited so long to be a part of you again... it's all I could think about after you..." He looked away. "..were gone."

At first I didn't think he was going to answer me - possibly just stand there in front of me for the rest of his life, and I was okay with that too. Then he did something that surprised the hell out of us both. He moved forward, closing the space between us and placed his warm hands on either side of my face. For a split second I thought he might snap my neck but instead he leaned in closer and placed his equally warm lips against my temple. "I'm sorry for hurting you, Roza." He whispered against my ear, causing a shiver of hope to run down my spine. We stayed that way for a long moment - not moving, afraid that the slightest twitch would break us apart. His lips found my temple again and I sighed before he pulled away from me.

"You have to eat."

He was beginning to sound like a broken record. I didn't give a damn about food right now - Dimitri was the only thing I needed. "Will you join me at one of the Court diners?" The look on my face must have been priceless because his next words scared the hell out of me. "I would understand, of course, if you didn't..."

"I will!"

My words came out a little too eager for my liking but Dimitri forced a smile. "Give me a few minutes to freshen up and I'll meet you in the lobby?" He nodded and gave a slight bow before removing himself from my bedroom. It might not be the raw passion that we had before he was taken from the Academy but it seemed like Dimitri was offering me his friendship and at this point I would take anything I could get.


End file.
